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So many of you out there have such problems in your relationships with others, most specifically in the dating area. (Most of the boys I know certainly do.) So let's spend a few paragraphs addressing the issue, shall we?

Now boys, I'm going to give you a tip here today, and if you want to go to heaven when you die, you'll pay attention. When you take a woman, girl, or whomever on a date, you need to follow a few rules of dating protocol. Most important, the post-date phone call. This applies even when you've had a fairly unremarkable time and is especially important if you've had an extremely eventful time, if you know what I mean (and I think you do). You can always call and leave a message when you know she isn't home; she'll understand. But the call must be made.

You may be saying, but Allison, Why does the boy have to make the call? What about the woman? Women can be just as insensitive as men, can't they? And yes, you are correct, but that's the very reason you need to use care in these situations. You know what they say about a woman scorned, don't you? Besides, most women I know are intelligent enough to make the call without being told.

Dear Allison,
I am looking for Alcoholics Anonymous on the Web. Do you know where to find it?
Signed, Anonymous

AA is allover the Web, it seems, and with the drinking I see these Internet folks doing, it's a damn good thing. You can find the Big Book of AA, online meetings, and unofficial AA pages galore. If you don't like those, try the aptly named Web of Addictions.

Dear Allison,
What do you think about erotic film? Don't you think that is unmoral human being? Why some government provided the law for that stink film?
Signed, Hymicky

Well, first off, let me answer with another question: What's up with your grammar and writing style? Were you not taught as a child the fundamentals of the English language? What would a erotic film and erotic acting, on the other hand, are often considered art forms, protected by the First Amendment of the US Constitution as types of free speech.

Dear Allison,
Is it considered rude to bring food from one eatery into another as long as you buy something from the one to which you brought the outside food? For example, I like to get my breakfast muffins from Cafe A, but buy juice from and eat my breakfast at Cafe B.
Signed, DC

Is this the question that keeps you awake at night? If it is, my friend, you do have a problem, which has nothing to do with your cafe of choice. Have you asked the owners of the establishments your question? Have they ever asked you to leave? Looked at you rudely? Pointed at you and laughed? Thrown insults at you? If not, don't let it get to you.

Dear Allison,
I live in a small apartment building, and my roommate and I are quite vocal with our intimacy. I am tempted to ask my neighbors if they can hear us. Is there a tasteful way of doing that?
Signed, Wondering

No, there isn't.

Dear Allison,
How did you make that darling wallpaper?
Signed, Pointless in Petersberg

Oh, I'm so glad you like the wallpaper. How kind of you to mention it. Someday I hope all browsers will let their users see all the lovely wallpaper on the Internet, but alas, until that day, you can count yourself among the lucky ones. You do it by simply manipulating your <body> tags and by not using those nasty Netscape-only tags. You can find out all about it here.

Dear Allison,
You sound just like someone who used to write a similar column here in the Triangle Area of North Carolina, only her name was Esther. Good to have you back.
Signed, Still searching for wisdom in NC

I've never been to the Triangle Area of North Carolina or any part of that state for that matter, and I don't know any Esthers. But if that's what you think, and it makes your day, what do I care?

Go answer the questions Allison didn't.


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